Have you ever…

By Deryle Mehrten

Have you ever missed your turn on the freeway and found out that it will take 100 miles and the rest of the afternoon to get back on track?  Have you ever dropped a screw down the fairing of your bike, never to be seen again by human eyes?  Have you ever started a 10-minute job that ends up taking two days and enough tools and spare parts to rebuild a space shuttle?  Have you ever bought a trick, sticky tire only to find a nail in it big enough to hold up a bridge after the first ride?  Have you ever dropped a socket into your crankcase?  Have you ever dropped a bolt down a spark plug hole?  Have you ever pulled the protective boot off your front forks to find that the seal is toast and all the fluid is now all over you, the bike and the floor?  Have you ever put fresh oil in your bike and found out the hard way that the drain plug is not where it belongs? Have you ever pulled the drain plug out of the crankcase and found out the oil had NOT cooled down?  Have you ever dropped a wrench, size extra-large, on the big toe of your left foot?  Have you ever dropped a wrench, size extra-large, on the big toe of your wife's left foot?  Have you ever bought a trick gadget that came with universal brackets that you ended up throwing away and bought a machined mounting bracket that cost more that the gadget did? Have you ever had a blister the size of a basketball where you leaned up against your exhaust header pipe?  Have you ever stuck a screwdriver into the palm of you hand and had to have stitches to close it up?  Have you ever stripped a nut or bolt Sunday morning just before that long planned ride, found out it is proprietary to that brand and bike, and is available nowhere until Tuesday?  Have you ever pulled into a gas station, given the attendant your credit card, filled up, then drove home without signing for the gas?  Have you ever had the police call you about your credit card you left at a gas station and the APB that is out on you for stealing gas?  Have you ever ridden with a rider who got his training from watching Along Comes Bronson and his license is one of those International Driving Licenses that you can fill out and issue to yourself?  Have you ever pulled up to your favorite hang out, stepped off your bike, went over to say hi to a fellow rider, only to hear the crunch of your bike hitting two other bikes because you forgot to put down the kick stand?  Have you ever hit a bump that was so big…How Big Was It?…that it knocked a side bag off, tossing all your dirty clothes down the road and everything the helpful cagers picked up for you really stunk and had at least one hole in it?  Have you ever gone to a club meeting, found out that it was last week and everyone is gone on that special ride you planned 6-months ago?  Have you ever come around a turn only to find the road ends and the drop off to the dirt is two feet?  Have you ever taken the short cut that took two days to recover from?  Have you ever opened your tank bag while riding down the freeway to turn over your map that has all the directions and telephone numbers on it and watched it sail out over six lanes of traffic?  Have you ever told someone how much you despised a particular brand and found out you were talking to the world's expert on that brand?  Have you ever wanted a new bike and actually went out and bought it only to find out it is an anomaly and there will never be any spares for it, ever?  Have you ever rebuilt that old scooter and found out you could have bought three brand new ones right down the street for the price it took to rebuild the old one?  Have you ever bought a used bike based on a picture and it turns out the picture was 6 years old and the bike was a basket case?  Have you ever come over a rise in the road to find a raging river 5 feet deep across the road and you're doing 90 with camping gear and your riding partner on the back?  Have you ever REALLY tested your ABS brakes?  Have you ever ridden your buddy's recently restored classic British bike, down shifted four times and still didn't find the brake as you hit the back of a stopped car?  Have you ever been pulled over by a highway patrolman just so he they could see what you're riding and then gave you an equipment ticket?   Have you ever mounted a whoop-a-whoop-a horn you took off a kid's tricycle on your handlebars to get an equipment ticket signed off on?  Have you ever called in sick so you can ride with your retired riding buddy?  Have you ever had your retired riding buddy get sick on the day you called in sick so you could ride with him?  Have you ever stopped at a truck stop so cold that your fingernails were blue and the waitress gave you a free cup of coffee that you promptly dropped?  Have you ever forgot to pull your pants out of your boots when it started raining and found out that Gore-Tex holds water too?  Have you ever figured out what Euro size boots, jacket or pants you wear?  Have you ever stopped for gas and got on the freeway going the wrong way while all your friends were yelling at you and you thought they were cheering the neat wheelie you just did?  Have you ever walked into one of the most premier motorcycle shops in the state and spilled a cup of coffee all over the counter and two other customers?  Have you ever taken a part back to the shop demanding a refund because it didn't fit and found out you were trying to put it on backwards?  Have you ever put down a tool and in the blink of an eye lost it?  Have you ever called your wife to come help find a lost tool or part, and she always does? 

 

To be continued...

 

 

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